A lot of things in life bother me. I get annoyed and stressed easily. Although it may not seem like it, inwardly I’m pretty high-strung, intense, and it takes me a long time to let go of an issue. Before I got old enough to have control of my life’s circumstances, I felt like I was always struggling to cool off a boiling instinct to speak up, confront people, and make a big deal about things that, really, I knew would not be worth the fallout.
In some ways I am obsessive, which I suppose is why I end up writing deeply speculative books about obscure topics that nobody else is even curious about. As I go through life, I’m thinking about these questions that I can’t let go of. I neglect maintenance and upkeep of most things, I forget about paying bills sometimes, and I even miss events that I genuinely wanted to go to.
I’ve ruined relationships by not paying enough attention to the other person, and I’m introverted, easily fed up with the inconveniences people introduce. I have no friends anymore, and the ones I did have were mostly mutual friends of other friends, not really contingent on my involvement. I’m happy not having friends, honestly. And to my credit, I am liked by most people who know me, and a lot of people I’ve gotten to know have told me (in some fashion) that they feel like I’ve made a real positive impact in their lives, and will go out of their way to try to maintain some connection with me.
Really, I’m very grateful to everyone who puts up with me, because I’m not an easy person. I’m not narcissistic enough to think that I’m above giving others my attention and fitting them into my schedule, I just… don’t feel like modern society’s version of relationships fits my rhythm. Dating is an abomination, and networking is gross. I like to think that if we all lived on local farming communities and our lives overlapped in some kind of organic, symbiotic way, I’d be plenty sociable with everybody. As it stands, I simply take satisfaction than hearing that my conversations and writings have been a blessing to strangers and acquaintances, and accept that I’ll never be a nonchalant person. I’ll never be a unifying force, either. I’ll always be a disagreeable, skeptical, critical, loner type, doing my best to just stay out of things and keep my life as simple as possible so I don’t get overwhelmed by the stress and minutia of life.
And certainly, this means I can never be cool.
To be cool means—above all—to be calm and dispassionate. If I have ever given you the impression that I’m calm and dispassionate, I’m afraid that I’ve managed to trick you. The deeper you get to know me, the more you’ll realize that I have an unbearably restless, churning, judgmental mind, ripping apart everything I see and hear and piecing it back together again. When I’ve been in a social setting for a while, I walk away with a completely different impression of what happened than everyone else, because I keep noticing things that everyone else is trying not to notice, for example. I have ended up destroying multiple close friend groups in the past after only one or two encounters by making very small observations; and then regretted trying to genuinely get to know them, rather than “get to know” them in the healthy, shallow, constructive way we’re supposed to.
What I’m saying is, these topics keep coming back to my mind. And I have to write about them, just to get them to go away. Questions about the nature of God, and what it means when He said, “Let us make man in our image.” This was not a foreshadowing about the Trinity; He wasn’t talking to the Son and the Holy Spirit when He said “us”. He was talking about the heavenly host. The “elohim”, plural.
In the biblical accounts, we repeatedly see angels showing up looking like men. But in fact, it is men who look like angels. We resemble them, they don’t resemble us.
But we were created in the image of God, too.
And what does that really mean?
Well, none of the heavenly host have biological bodies, so that’s probably not it. They were not born from women and they do not have the need to sleep, eat, or get old. And yet we resemble each other visually, for some reason. Of course, any competent theologian will tell you that there is a more profound meaning here. They say it’s about having a similar mind, psyche, or role in the cosmic order. Mankind was given the task of cultivating the planet and having dominion over all the species of animals, just like how God and the heavenly host have dominion over the world, including mankind. That makes sense to me, absolutely.
Yet this opens the door just a crack, which lets in other questions. Like if “resembling” the elohim can mean a lot of things, and some of them are not obvious to the casual reader, then what other ways do we resemble them? And do we also resemble the angels that we don’t want to be associated with, like Satan? I presume that if we were only created in the image of God Himself, we would be closer to perfection than we are. But I don’t know. Were the angels themselves good originally, only to be corrupted by something? Were they corrupted by us? Is it in our shared nature to be corruptible? Are we all so sensitive and arrogant?
I start thinking: does God have feelings like we do? And does that make Him less God-like, and more human? Or does that make us more God-like, because we are reflecting His divine nature… which turns out to be totally different than what theologians like to pretend it is? Oh boy… Like I said, I’m sorry. I just have to write this stuff. I understand that nobody wants to hear it.
God’s Humanity
I was listening to the discussion between Tucker Carlson and Christian apologist Cliffe Knechtle, whom I generally like. Their discussion wasn’t anything special to a religious nerd like me, but I did find certain parts intriguing, such as Cliffe revealing that he was close friends with family members of Billy Graham, and even lived in their house for a while. Cliffe personally witnessed some of the struggle Billy Graham had in dealing with the controversy surrounding President Richard Nixon, whom Billy Graham had endorsed publicly. Cliffe admired Billy Graham, which I certainly do not. One of the dangerous aspects of hyper-evangelical Christians is that they try to build too many bridges, make too many friends, and smooth out too many rough edges of the Bible. They want as much unity and togetherness as possible, and they’re willing to bend the truth in order to put up a good appearance to outsiders. The tricky stuff, that’s for the theologians to debate in closed quarters, away from the public.
Me? I’m here for the rough edges almost exclusively. Sometimes I wish I could change that, but it’s been that way since I heard this amazing story in Sunday School about how things got so bad early on in the world that God regretted creating mankind, and so He sent a giant flood to drown everybody in a horrifying global cataclysm that nobody could prevent, and started over with just one family. That’s the kind of thing I just couldn’t let go of. I watched as all the other kids just nodded along like it was a normal story, half-paying attention while looking at a coloring book. But the idea gripped me: God regretted making us? But weren’t we created in His image from the beginning? And wasn’t He in control the whole time? Why didn’t He stop us before it got out of hand? And why was His solution to kill everybody back then, if all we ended up needing was the arrival of Jesus later on?
In this conversation, Tucker brings up the disparity between the Old and New Testaments, like everybody does when they talk to a Christian theologian. He points out that God clearly changed the rules, and sort of leaves it open for Cliffe to address. In the evangelical spirit of Billy Graham, Cliffe immediately begins walking around the issue. This bothers me. A lot of things bother me. I’m sorry.
The fact is, God does act like a guy in the Old Testament. I mean a real guy. I don’t know why, and it bothers me. God forgive me if that’s blasphemy, but You’re the one who keeps saying that You got jealous, You had regrets, You did things in an extreme way just to prove You could, and You beat up poor Jacob and dislocated his hip for no apparent reason after fighting him for an entire night, after You promised to protect him and bless his offspring. I mean, that’s just for starters. When the prophets start going off about how You feel, it’s literally like listening to a guy complaining about all the stuff he hates about his ungrateful wife.
So on one hand, I don’t get it at all, but on the other hand, I absolutely get it. And that’s what bothers me the most: I’m starting to feel like I get why God did things the way He did in the Old Testament, and it’s messing with me. Rather than pretending that I share the mind of God, it’s just flipping my idea of what it means to be created in the image of God.
Obviously God is infinitely better than me, and wiser than me, and has unlimited sovereign license to do anything He wants, etc. I’ll even grant that God has total justification to contradict Himself, which most theologians don’t want to admit. He seems to be emotional, sensitive, overreacting, and bothered by everything. Tell me about it, Lord… I relate. God can promise Adam and Eve that He’s going to kill them the same day that they eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and then when it comes down to it, He totally changes His mind and instead just kicks them out of the Garden of Eden. He can bluff. What, is that a problem?
What we joyfully call God’s “mercy” is—from a cold, rational point of view—a bizarre contradiction of self. I think this is one reason why Satan hates Him.
There’s actually a lot more I want to say about this, but I’m beginning to feel like I’ve said enough that I can just shut up now and it may not bother me as much later on when I’m trying to get some sleep, so I’m going to try moving on now.
Caring Is Not Cool
You see, Satan isn’t bothered the way God is. I don’t know why, but God seems to be quite concerned with His image—not among humans, but among the heavenly host itself. Some day I’ll probably have to write a whole book on the topic, since it keeps coming back to my mind, but it makes sense, right? God does a lot of things in the Old Testament to prove Himself, but almost no humans realize what the point is. Most people who died in the Flood had no clue what was going on.
(Luke 17:26-29) Just as it was in the days of Noah, so also will it be in the days of the Son of Man: People were eating and drinking, marrying and being given in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark. Then the flood came and destroyed them all.
It was the same in the days of Lot: People were eating and drinking, buying and selling, planting and building. But on the day Lot left Sodom, fire and sulfur rained down from heaven and destroyed them all.
We could add the people of Egypt to this as well. They were minding their own business when the plagues of Moses hit them, unaware of the dispute between the slave tribes of Israel and the Pharaoh.
So who was God proving Himself to, really? If it weren’t for the Bible, we’d need to rely on ancient artifacts and guesswork to understand what happened. But I bet the message was loud and clear to the heavenly host, who watch what happens on earth.
God was sending a message to the elohim more than to humanity, I’m convinced. Really, we can’t even say that Israel understood the point, since they quickly turned away to idols and forgot God, and would have totally abandoned Him if not for the harsh leadership of Moses, the judges, and the prophets.
What am I saying? That God cares a lot. He cares about His reputation among the fellow immortal spirits beneath Him. He seems to care at least a little about what certain segments of Humanity thinks. And in some ways, He cares in the same way a regular guy would care. He cares in a way that’s relatable to us, I think. And for some reason, He let us lowly humans know how He feels about a lot of things, too, and that it is relatable to us. He makes analogies that we can understand. He desires to have some sympathy from Mankind, it seems. He wants us to see the rough edges of the Old Testament as proof that He’s like us… or I guess, that we’re like Him.
Maybe I’m losing my mind, but I’m going to go even further here. It seems to me like God used Creation in order to subject Himself to a huge range of emotional experiences that were actually important for His own personal development of a relationship with it. And why? Why would the eternal, all-knowing Creator bother to stoop down and get emotionally involved about something so little?
(Matthew 10:29-31) Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Why does God care about a sparrow? Why does He number the hairs of our heads? Why does He change the way He relates to Mankind over and over, creating various covenants with various people and subjecting Himself to the frustration of dealing with us? Is there something God needs from us? I can’t accept that. But perhaps He just wants it. Perhaps He made us in His image—and the image of other elohim—in order to create the potential for a relationship that includes all the messy “human” stuff we hate to associate with God, because we like to pretend that He is a cold, immune to irrational feelings.
Satan Is Cool
How can we tell that Satan is cool? Well for one, in the Garden of Eden he appears as a serpent which is said to be more cunning than any other creature. He selects the female to prey upon, asks her rhetorical questions in an inviting way, and persuades her using false promises that sound almost godly and good. That’s not the approach of somebody who is temperamental, harsh, or imbalanced.
Secondly, Satan opposes and tries to sabotage the only entity in the Universe who has absolute power, and apparently does so without fear. The arrogance and self-confidence is off the charts. We only know a few examples in the Old Testament where he got directly involved, but by the time Jesus is performing his ministry, we find out that he has corrupted many angels to his side and created a global conspiracy against the Most High. These are angels who, logically speaking, should know better. So the fact that Satan managed to amass an army from within the heavenly host tells us that he doesn’t just know how to trick ignorant humans, but even divine beings who have witnessed God’s judgments from the beginning.
A few years ago I created a lecture about how Satan is a lawyer. I believe this is a very useful way to distinguish between God, who prefers to do things in a mighty, overwhelming, and undeniable way (even if it is inconsistent), and Satan, who is cerebral, cunning, and technical. You may find it interesting:
Satan probably sees God as being too passionate and reckless. Allowing huge amounts of sin and depravity to go on, but then flooding the whole world as a collective punishment? Ironically, most Christians think that God is the one who is totally intolerant of sin, but it’s actually Satan who was constantly accusing us before God. As I explain in the lecture, I think God was much more interested in renewing His Creation and redeeming pathetic mankind—because He has a huge heart and cares about us—than being cold, sociopathic, and legalistic like Satan.
God Is A Fire
Tell me, reader, since I may have lost my mind: why does God consistently represent Himself as literal fire, which is very dangerous, destructive, wild, prone to spreading, consuming things and getting out of control? Is there something we should know about the character of God in the metaphor of fire? Better yet, is it something we should know about ourselves, if we have God’s Spirit, since we are made in His image and desire to be like Him?
(Exodus 3:2) The angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up.
(Deuteronomy 4:24) For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.
(Deut. 9:3) But be assured today that the LORD your God is the one who goes across ahead of you like a devouring fire.
(Hebrews 12:29) For our God is a consuming fire.
(Isaiah 66:15) See, the LORD is coming with fire, and his chariots are like a whirlwind; he will bring down his anger with fury, and his rebuke with flames of fire.
(Psalm 97:3) Fire goes before him and consumes his foes on every side.
(Nahum 1:6) Who can withstand his indignation? Who can endure his fierce anger? His wrath is poured out like fire; the rocks are shattered before him.
(Jeremiah 23:29) “Is not my word like fire,” declares the LORD, “and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?”
But even in the New Testament, what is the Holy Spirit like?
(Luke 3:16) John answered all of them: “I baptize you with water, but One more powerful than I will come, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire…”
(Acts 2:3–4) They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit...
(Luke 12:49) “I came to cast fire upon the earth, and how I wish it were kindled already!”
And in his glorified form, the appearance of Jesus is related to fire:
(Revelation 1:14-15) …His eyes were like a flame of fire, his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace…
And what does the glorified Jesus tell the church that is room-temperature?
(Rev 3:15-16) “I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.
Yes, there is a need to be bothered. There is a need to be burning inside. Jesus says that the church is neither cold nor hot, so obviously the real problem is being lukewarm—that is, boring. Passion is what matters. God is passionate.
You see, I am also passionate. I am an angry person. And I get bored easily. I want boring and fake things to be ruined and gone. I would rather have a conflagration than a stalemate. I don’t find it easy to let go of things, and I am very impatiently waiting for God to fulfill His prophecies and set this world on fire already. I don’t know why I am like this, and I know that it hurts my standing in this world.
And I think maybe God started that fire within me. Fire is contagious, after all. It can destroy and consume, but it can also invigorate, impassion, and give life to the lifeless. And although I am in no sense equal to God, I can’t help but think that maybe I do relate to Him.
I have also become basically anti-social and have practically no friends left anymore. But if i did, and one of them invited me to their dinner party, you are exactly the person I hope they’d sit me next to.
Thank you. I'm getting your points. When you mentioned the ecumenical movement it brought to mind the Trump photo-op in front of the DC church that was attacked during the riots. I looked closely to see whether it was upside down lol and which translation the Bible was. It was a unification version. Politics is not something I participate in. It is good however, to be be aware of world events, lies, and deceptions. We are talking with many who are deceived by these false realities. Why are Christian churches not exposing the dangers of secret societies, signs and symbols, and politics? The rulers of this world are not friends of the groom (Jesus). I believe that any top down Christianity hierarchy is a failure and does not follow the true first century example. The closest thing I saw was the Stone and Campbell movement, called Congregationalist. They have since evolved into the same mess as the others with the acceptance of trinitarianism. Why does Satan need to have all so called Christian sects to accept the trinity belief? What does he have planned for the near future?